I began with tic-tacs. Mothballs then biscuits, batteries, pencil sharpeners. It got worse fast. I couldn’t help myself. A phone here, a book there. I was a mess.
I secluded myself when I started on my girlfriend’s handbag. I’m that kind of guy. I realised that things could go bad. So I did the right thing. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, give me that at least.
The next week was horrible. I tried to stop, I did. But my teeth…you can’t imagine. By the end, they throbbed with the lightest touch.
I tried my x-box controller, a five-kilo dumbbell, sandals. It wasn’t enough. They accepted them quietly, but there was this need for more.
I brushed my teeth constantly—tried to make up for all those years. But the damage was done. Couldn’t do a thing.
The dentist had been surprised. So many cavities. I was so young. He chastised me, said I should brush twice a day, and floss too. I did. He gave me fillings, reminded me again.
The fillings disappeared. Pain returned. Began hurting when I wasn’t eating. Then there was this hunger—I can’t describe it. Those cavities had changed. I needed a physicist not a dentist.
Left the house after two weeks, nothing inside but the walls. I left empty and naked. My mouth hung open, it hurt to close. I tried to cover myself. People gawked at me.
I saw a red mailbox. My teeth screamed for it—positively ached for it. I let them have it and then ambled on.
I reached an intersection. People moved away from me but didn’t say a thing. I had that look about me. A madman. My teeth clambered. They needed more. I said no. I was firm.
I gave in. They opened with glee. I’m sorry. Seven people. Three women. Four men. Two of them were fifteen—I’m sorry about that too. They went in. Barely a scream. There just wasn’t enough time.
And then it was over. They knew they had me. I was powerless. All the pain fell away, only pleasure now. The cars, the buildings, an aeroplane. I was giddy; they were giddy. I won’t lie; it was great. Really great.
It didn’t take long. Every object brought more hunger. More capacity. The world crumbled into my teeth. I floated in space. Saturn, Jupiter, Uranus. I ate them all. The solar system fell apart and I moved onwards.
I ate solar system after solar system. I ate a black hole with disdain. I ate nothingness—do you know what that’s like! It’s fizzy.
And then I ate everything. I’m sorry. Should have brushed more often.